tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25228474562635338722024-02-20T09:47:00.646+00:00Prozac WithdrawalThis is a diary of my long journey off liquid Prozac and recovery from depression.
I spent 10+ years trying and failing to come off Sertraline (Zoloft), I was prescribed Sertraline for Post Natal Depression in 1998, but then couldn't get off it, it numbs you in so many ways. I switched to liquid Prozac in 2008 and began tapering excrutiatingly slowly. This is my diary of my progress.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-80583764865009354722017-07-06T17:51:00.002+01:002017-07-06T17:51:40.678+01:00Four years on...<span style="font-size: small;">I decided to do an update as I get occasional e mails from people who found my blog asking how I am now.</span><br />
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Four years ago I went back on the standard dose of 50mg Sertraline (Zoloft if you're in America) and fairly rapidly made a full recovery. Some months later I got fed up of the "feeling a bit too happy/high even in inappropriate circumstances thing", or the "totally numb" thing (if you're taking these pills you'll know what I mean, if you're not taking these pills you might think it all sounds rather nice).<br />
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So long story short, I went back to liquid Prozac and reduced down to 3ml liquid Prozac, every day for the past 2/3 years I have been taking exactly 3ml liquid Prozac (standard dose is 5ml). This particular dose means I ditch the numbness, but I haven't reduced so much that I go into acute withdrawal/depression/anxiety/dread mode. It works perfectly for me and I'm leading a "normal" life, whatever "normal" is, and I don't often think about it unless someone asks.<br />
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Yes depression/anxiety always lurks beneath the surface, you never really get rid of it. Sometimes something will trigger an attack of insomnia/anxiety, or a wave of depression, but I can generally get a grip on it or ride it out.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-47320106057149783692013-07-19T16:30:00.000+01:002013-07-19T16:30:02.672+01:00One journey ends and another one begins<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is my last blog post it’s time for me to move on. My page on Facebook will also be deleted shortly.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried, I gave it my best shot, it didn’t work out, and
if I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hadn’t</i> tried I’d never know and
I’d still be wondering. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the middle of June 2013 I’d had enough, had enough of overwhelming
depression that wasn’t going anywhere, and the persistent feelings of dread and
anxiety. I couldn’t cope with the fact that I couldn’t cope with doing routine
things like going to work and participating in normal everyday things. This may
have been withdrawal, but this was also very real depression. There were odd
good days but I began to realise that I was kidding myself, I wasn’t getting
any better, I was trying hard, lots of bike rides, healthy diet, positive
thinking. It came to a head when I couldn’t get myself into work one morning,
and I just couldn’t fight it anymore, I felt crippled by it. I’d been debating
for a few weeks whether to go back to Sertraline. </span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reader, I went to the doctor and I started the
Sertraline. I read somewhere “being mentally ill sucks, the drugs suck, it’s
choosing the least sucky option”. The decision was not made lightly, but having
made the decision I felt like a great weight had lifted off me, devastated and
totally drained, I was off work for 2 weeks, I needed that space to come to
terms with my decision and what had happened. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNcH4kIYFLvQebhT0AopDoNItLUVtIuK7k9sZFs17X8oYk7elqAwB3m5NPyzParq41EXy49A8H50SFxeWothxZU5mRdXAIrxFzw9p3IDxwe1kXCRl2UXoElSMW2llFvpUAwEhrIYQBNLWo/s1600/1043961_563467117009969_427249014_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNcH4kIYFLvQebhT0AopDoNItLUVtIuK7k9sZFs17X8oYk7elqAwB3m5NPyzParq41EXy49A8H50SFxeWothxZU5mRdXAIrxFzw9p3IDxwe1kXCRl2UXoElSMW2llFvpUAwEhrIYQBNLWo/s320/1043961_563467117009969_427249014_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whether I like it or not, I have been feeling a lot better. I’m
relieved to be feeling better, and trying not to think too hard about whether
there are any long term implications to being dependent on a drug, and take one
day at a time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This decision is the right one for me at this point in time, it wasn't all bad, the tapering method worked for me for a long time and it works for many other people who have successful outcomes, who knows, I might revisit it at some time in the future.</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I discovered the meaning of my recurring dream.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Something positive to have come out of this journey is that
I’ve discovered I have some absolutely fantastic supportive friends in real
life and on line, and a fantastically supportive husband and parents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-38736219886529789172013-05-29T10:50:00.000+01:002013-05-29T10:50:35.164+01:00It's Getting Better all the Time (kind of)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just wanted to log on here that I have stabilized at 8mg Prozac and I'm getting better all the time, it's not what I wanted, it's not where I thought I'd end up, I thought I was the "poster child" for tapering off antidepressant drugs in this excruciatingly slow style, it worked SO well for five years, I felt so well tapering for five years, until it all unravelled spectacularly last Autumn. I feel disappointed.<br />
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If you'd asked me, this time last year, I would've said I was doing really well, and well on course to be off Prozac completely in the near future. I was even thinking this blog would be all tied up and finished and left just floating around in cyber space.<br />
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At one point though, I was feeling so bad I was considering going back to the full dose and being done with it, the thing that stopped me was the thought of the horrible side effects, the numbing of libido and emotions, and there is a tendency to essential tremor in my family and I notice on the drug, full dose, my hands have a horrible tremor, and my handwriting gets really scruffy, and I'm enjoying my piano, so no I don't want to aggravate a tendency to a tremor which the full dose gives me.<br />
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P and I have talked over this so much, we've come to the following conclusions:<br />
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<ul>
<li>I have an underlying condition/predisposition to depression/anxiety.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>The drug is too enmeshed in my brain/body after so many years which have included various attempts at cold turkey and alternate day withdrawals messing up my nervous system.</li>
</ul>
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I genuinely feel that it's been too many years now, and I can't put myself through the misery of withdrawal any more, I'm sooo tired of it, it's not what I thought would happen but I'm going to stay at 8mg, possibly forever, I'm at a point where I want to keep quality of life, and after you've been through a period of depression and come out the other side, boy does life feel good, I think you never take "happiness" for granted if you've experienced depression. <br />
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I'd like to have got off Prozac fully, but it's not fair on me or my family to keep putting myself through the misery, and since I would probably have to go into "rehab" for a couple of years to do it which isn't an option on the NHS or living in the real world, I can't see it happening. As long as my surgery doesn't have an issue with prescribing the liquid so I can continue with 8mg.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-4892814199581477682013-05-06T20:46:00.000+01:002013-05-06T20:46:03.259+01:00Everyone's at it <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong>Lily Allen - Everyone's at it.</strong></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-13762898533269911982013-04-05T18:33:00.000+01:002013-04-26T18:44:56.979+01:002ml (8mg)Another up dose :(<br />
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Good days and bad days, I think the good days <em>are</em> way out numbering the bad days now, but the bad days feel....bad.<br />
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I've tried throwing everything at it, mindfulness, relaxation CD's, my piano, positive affirmations, magnesium, nope, none of this truly shifts a full blown anxiety attack in full flow. Lately, on a bad day, I've caught myself thinking about going back to full dose. Then on a good day I wonder what I was thinking, having got so far.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-30011119392189095082013-03-22T15:42:00.000+00:002013-03-22T15:42:26.430+00:001.30ml (5mg) - Remember that Light at the end of the Tunnel?<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well I think in the end it was an oncoming freight train.
I never really seemed to get any better, many insomniac nights and anxious
low level depressed days, so hard to keep functioning and so very exhausting.
It’s in my nature to soldier on regardless, I’ve always been Mrs Reliable,
always turn up when I say I’m going to turn up, never off sick, whole years
with no sick leave, always do what I say I’m going to do. Now I feel like Mrs Flaky
and unreliable. I never know from one day to the next how I’m going to be. I
must be a great actress though, no one seems to believe me and everyone tells
me I always seem the same and I hide it well. Either <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> should be on the stage or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they’re</i>
being polite I can’t work out which. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">P has been trying to persuade me for ages to go for
another up dose, so since nothing else seems to be working, and I’m desperate
to feel better, we settled on 1.30ml (5mg), this could either go well, or totally
backfire, anyone who knows anything about drug withdrawal or reinstatement knows that recovery comes in "waves" and "windows" and as I've had a lot of lovley "windows" this week I'll choose to be optimistic that the "windows" of getting better will increase and the "waves" will decrease.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQDX_TWYF2QzKU_xDAOmwh96mCLrduxUCENx1N6gRhTy86MNTZ6GUxEc_zUDRwc2sa8ukfCKa_GDS8DapXpNkl9iGRU5vk2ALZ0KFOA2e4nbg2Sw4vB-1xpHObwTprpzmRQUrOvq6CO00K/s1600/149449_509143039109044_827184101_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQDX_TWYF2QzKU_xDAOmwh96mCLrduxUCENx1N6gRhTy86MNTZ6GUxEc_zUDRwc2sa8ukfCKa_GDS8DapXpNkl9iGRU5vk2ALZ0KFOA2e4nbg2Sw4vB-1xpHObwTprpzmRQUrOvq6CO00K/s320/149449_509143039109044_827184101_n.png" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m one week into the up dose and it’s been a bit of a
roller coaster week, initially I felt like a plant that’s been starved of water
coming back to life, all the anxiety and dread cleared, as though someone had
waved a magic wand, I felt so well the contrast made me realise just how “unwell”
I’ve really been feeling the past 6 months. On day 3 in the evening I had
intense anxiety and dread kick in, had a poor night and woke to very very
intense anxiety, it can be so intense and physical it can reduce me to tears. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was working with P that day and decided to
soldier on, as the day wore on the intense anxiety lifted again and I was well
again. The next day at my other job was all good, I felt great, the following
day was ok and then last night moderate anxiety kicked in again and I was wired
and awake all night. I need to give it a few weeks and see if I settle
down. In any case I’ve almost come to the conclusion that I might never achieve
my goal of all the way off the drug without being so ill that my whole life
goes down the pan, and I might just have to find a permanent stable dose and
stick with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In other news I have my new piano at last, electric so I
can practise with headphones and not disturb anyone; this is a great way of
just getting lost in the moment and so relaxing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At this point here, I want to say thank you to my husband,
my parents and a couple of friends in real life who’ve <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>been so supportive and been there for me going
through this, I think they’ll know who they are if and when they read this. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-45770693279441359802013-03-22T14:46:00.001+00:002013-03-22T14:46:33.050+00:00Me Too!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho03yDIkcrZFVqRvvAt-OJ_zNabjMWvHHwXdd-fBZbfdUsWlZL-K-Ip9GX5pgDu4sHwtgQpfbMV8NvFz5XmSfoipGv4RQZBKtaj69N_DBqszxyC_S29jca-t_Bnn_PBL9xzQQRsD13Fino/s1600/555851_508980895791925_1691655967_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho03yDIkcrZFVqRvvAt-OJ_zNabjMWvHHwXdd-fBZbfdUsWlZL-K-Ip9GX5pgDu4sHwtgQpfbMV8NvFz5XmSfoipGv4RQZBKtaj69N_DBqszxyC_S29jca-t_Bnn_PBL9xzQQRsD13Fino/s400/555851_508980895791925_1691655967_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-76025465005647431532013-02-28T08:30:00.000+00:002013-02-28T08:30:11.623+00:005th Anniversary of my BlogYup I can't believe it's 5 years since I started this, privately, and I thought I would be finished by now and this blog would be all neatly tied up and finished, but no I'm still here with a Facebook page to boot, and a job in addition at: <a href="http://survivingantidepressants.org/">Surviving Antidepressants.</a><br />
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ONE day this will be history.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwMqyANksGVYBl12sQN-Hd1X1bWmoZHelKCqh4FgErBauZM33HgE2VTnjemExHnrO76lZUSoV23JqckCqx9uJvzofLxiAgZh-Ir4iPSLIEI0r8x_NleuItZKZTzYwjyq5nDW7YWIUDlXk-/s1600/P5060003_01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwMqyANksGVYBl12sQN-Hd1X1bWmoZHelKCqh4FgErBauZM33HgE2VTnjemExHnrO76lZUSoV23JqckCqx9uJvzofLxiAgZh-Ir4iPSLIEI0r8x_NleuItZKZTzYwjyq5nDW7YWIUDlXk-/s320/P5060003_01.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html"><span style="color: #cc0000;">My Prozac Reduction Timeline</span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-41016703622095957912013-01-17T08:02:00.000+00:002013-01-17T08:02:36.657+00:00There IS light at the end of the tunnel - and no I don't think it's an oncoming freight train.<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My younger son who takes an interest in this blog came up with the heading for this blog post, and his sense of humour <em>is</em> a bit of a worry.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymqvH7kFtGLTXRZxIOP2hxJp61ekvuhbSYoe1nY2flH3dOqLueFoHqzpyNUMWo4MRRGx3qS99u_s4Y8B1KEh29zfGMXkU7ASv3Hysi79GZO_-MiIxLe7re4VfzixlcyFOA00zXoOlJepG/s1600/imagesCAIY1XTB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymqvH7kFtGLTXRZxIOP2hxJp61ekvuhbSYoe1nY2flH3dOqLueFoHqzpyNUMWo4MRRGx3qS99u_s4Y8B1KEh29zfGMXkU7ASv3Hysi79GZO_-MiIxLe7re4VfzixlcyFOA00zXoOlJepG/s1600/imagesCAIY1XTB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymqvH7kFtGLTXRZxIOP2hxJp61ekvuhbSYoe1nY2flH3dOqLueFoHqzpyNUMWo4MRRGx3qS99u_s4Y8B1KEh29zfGMXkU7ASv3Hysi79GZO_-MiIxLe7re4VfzixlcyFOA00zXoOlJepG/s1600/imagesCAIY1XTB.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oct/Nov/Dec saw me unravelling in a nightmare way, the
worst things were the fairly severe internal anxiety and adrenaline surges, and
resultant insomnia, I’m a bit scared to publish this but in the interests of an
honest log of my progress here goes, at my lowest points, a few nights saw me<span style="font-size: x-small;">
<span style="color: #444444;">self</span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">medicating with tamezapam and whisky</span></span>, either one, or the other or both
together, 2 or 3 hours of total oblivion even with a hangover the next day was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">slightly</i> better than 7/8 hours of
sleepless anxiety with someone snoring beside me, only <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">slightly</i> better and it was the bit of
oblivion I was after. The tamezapam has virtually all gone now and I won't get anymore and I've abandoned the whisky, especially after reading alcohol is no good for damaged nervous systems anyway.</span><br />
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I also had a lightbulb moment about a multivitamin I was taking, I'd read that too many B vitamins can be aggravating to messed up nervous systems so I looked at my Holland and Barret vitamin bottle (other brands are available) and discovered that I was taking over 100% of the RDA, so I ditched them and just sticking with the high EPA fish oil capsules and a healthy diet.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mid December I realised I’d got to guesstimate the best
dose of Prozac and stick to it for better or worse, messing about with the dose
was sending my nervous system into constant turmoil. Just before Christmas I could feel myself starting to come out
the other side, somewhat, the internal anxiety, dread and adrenaline surges
subsided, but knew I still had a little way to go to get stable again. There
was a fair bit of “faking it to make it” through December, in other words I had
to get a grip and force myself through the motions of whatever I had to do on
any given day, whether it was work, working with P or Christmassy
preparations, but "going through the motions" is grim.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now into January, I can feel myself feeling more like my
old self again, my normal sleep pattern is coming back, not 100%, still getting odd bad nights but definite
improvements and feeling more normal, whatever that is, "normal is a setting on a washing machine" comes to mind.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the moment, I just want to relish feeling “normal” for
a few or even many months, I am torn between feeling desperate to get off this last 1ml of <strike>medicine</strike>
<strike>drug</strike> poison, and terrified to rock the boat and do anything about it.... ever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As an aside, a colleague at work asked me the other week, is there no help or withdrawal specialists on the NHS? really?!?! Yes really!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am grateful to P for being my rock, and to Alto Strata and other friends at Surviving Antidepressants, and my
nurse friend, for helping me untangle this and work out the best dose to be on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-22991110519279306032012-12-24T09:00:00.000+00:002013-01-07T20:03:09.897+00:00Happy Christmas!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><strong>Happy Christmas!</strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD63jDpMmlh9XLdHL9V7Y6WorNi_Kc65pFsKQNzrScd_n_akTMfZ14iKLdcD6id8sD8hc7UVt9PsLVo1AWo6ge3bXN8znvvUDjEHLJ4irtGXoR7O8sChB7Yf4xHH349uAQ5hNlnVcmfx91/s1600/christmas-tree.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD63jDpMmlh9XLdHL9V7Y6WorNi_Kc65pFsKQNzrScd_n_akTMfZ14iKLdcD6id8sD8hc7UVt9PsLVo1AWo6ge3bXN8znvvUDjEHLJ4irtGXoR7O8sChB7Yf4xHH349uAQ5hNlnVcmfx91/s320/christmas-tree.png" width="262" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-51631465246354227772012-12-16T13:08:00.001+00:002012-12-16T13:08:20.216+00:00A Little Knowledge Can Be a Dangerous Thing!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO95XoiUT08poKB4njoNAjybDcHAFFOzncvwCIVX-jQNtDuXGyafM8VSMMVY_vP_shu1carBT04R6ZAHuG_CxFy77FGayW2Jp2c3OQt7zG7u_7fBtA9fm_AdFTuJIdnpDOyCX0Lz4yqnCV/s1600/syringe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO95XoiUT08poKB4njoNAjybDcHAFFOzncvwCIVX-jQNtDuXGyafM8VSMMVY_vP_shu1carBT04R6ZAHuG_CxFy77FGayW2Jp2c3OQt7zG7u_7fBtA9fm_AdFTuJIdnpDOyCX0Lz4yqnCV/s320/syringe.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1ml Syringe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yesterday, my friend who is a specialist nurse called round and we talked syringes. (I really need to get a life). This friend is the only health professional me and P know who has taken on board and taken an interest in my issues. I happened to mention in the course of the conversation that I'd started flushing the syringe in water and drinking the water to make sure I got all the medicine out. I'd read that this was a good idea. <em>She</em> pointed out to <em>me</em> that if I had just <em>started</em> doing this, I had inadvertently been updosing another .05ml so I had gone up from 0.85ml to most likely 1.10ml which was a bigger jump than I had intended. I was flusing the Prozac out of the nub at the bottom and that nub is quite big. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Everyone close to me has had a different opinion on what I should do, but I decided to go with my gut feeling and go to 1ml. Six days later I think this gut feeling is begining to pay off, this week end the awful gut churning anxiety/dread/doom feelings seem to have just melted away, I'm sleeping better, not quite as well as previously but noticably better and today I feel a definate shift towards feeling more "normal" self again. I have also been practising a mindfulness meditation everyday and of course that may have helped as well.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">Prozac Reduction Timeline</a></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-15178128786350289432012-12-15T08:58:00.000+00:002013-01-28T19:40:10.919+00:001ml (4mg) - Who Needs Red Bull!<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So after nearly a month at 1.05ml I honestly wasn’t feeling
any improvement, in fact I think I was beginning to feel worse again, the main
problem was feeling “wired” or like I’d drunk a jug of Red Bull and unable to
sleep, this in turn was making me feel really depressed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would really like to thank Alto Strata at <a href="http://survivingantidepressants.org/">http://survivingantidepressants.org/</a> who asked a
knowledgeable doctor about what was happening to me and the conclusion was that
by going to 1.05ml I may have overshot my bolt, and the Prozac was becoming too
activating, it is a stimulating drug and I seem to be very sensitive. When we
studied it I was beginning to feel better shortly after I went to 1.05ml but
since Prozac takes a lot of days to reach “high tide” it was probably the
effect of going up to 1ml beginning to take effect and then I ramped it up by
going up further to 1.05ml and got worse again. So I’m going to see how back to
1ml goes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my real life I seem to be surrounded by people who just “stopped”
their drug or had no problems, I am so thankful for the internet and finding
that I’m so NOT alone with this and I'm not mad.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_o6J81MoJJ6UZOmms7PbYUgjYd4K-1FrdM0tcFm1FHw3Nw_WkI3EBHj6yMj-XgJDDfliQ3Bl6sYNGMVNHD-h3ri9FIhyphenhyphen1NX1UGNRqzeTvoEvL3ZAz77pWcHoR2FrkTV8GLu05BAaGEQZI/s1600/18185_474801669209848_172566940_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_o6J81MoJJ6UZOmms7PbYUgjYd4K-1FrdM0tcFm1FHw3Nw_WkI3EBHj6yMj-XgJDDfliQ3Bl6sYNGMVNHD-h3ri9FIhyphenhyphen1NX1UGNRqzeTvoEvL3ZAz77pWcHoR2FrkTV8GLu05BAaGEQZI/s400/18185_474801669209848_172566940_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the meantime I have begun to practise mindfulness, and
can thoroughly recommend a book called “The Mindful Way Through Depression”, it
has a CD with it and I’ve begun to do about half an hour practise a day, and if
I can find the right dose to get my nervous system back on the right track I’ll
stick there because I’ve had enough of this crap for now.</span><br />
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">My Prozac Reduction Timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-15873080411869250552012-11-17T10:31:00.000+00:002012-11-17T10:31:10.155+00:001.05ml - Arresting the Spiral<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrz84AND_2xii8tkSI5sTEhYRgieBZW1ZmX9EGIJWKkOcVHW1SaVyKdQrqAvQlWjG_53NHEMdkH6xutDuuAdJtc4GISrVMFHT7_j4MqPAXJkzwSaVotJrRwbchbvjXCrlrqGCGMm7CQ_R/s1600/543206_446851102004905_2001054734_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrz84AND_2xii8tkSI5sTEhYRgieBZW1ZmX9EGIJWKkOcVHW1SaVyKdQrqAvQlWjG_53NHEMdkH6xutDuuAdJtc4GISrVMFHT7_j4MqPAXJkzwSaVotJrRwbchbvjXCrlrqGCGMm7CQ_R/s1600/543206_446851102004905_2001054734_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFrz84AND_2xii8tkSI5sTEhYRgieBZW1ZmX9EGIJWKkOcVHW1SaVyKdQrqAvQlWjG_53NHEMdkH6xutDuuAdJtc4GISrVMFHT7_j4MqPAXJkzwSaVotJrRwbchbvjXCrlrqGCGMm7CQ_R/s320/543206_446851102004905_2001054734_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I’ve<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>found myself
spiralling down in a way that I hadn’t felt for 5-6 years, after years of
fairly benign withdrawals because I’ve been tapering so slow, I was shocked to
find myself getting all the old symptoms from years back. A bad withdrawal
seems to take your most negative emotion like anxiety and ramp it up or amplify
it to a spirit crushing level. Mind you depression does that as well?!?! </span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As
I’ve documented in the posts below the worst things I was getting and still
getting on and off, was insomnia, deep despair, dread and adrenaline/anxiety. I
actually, maybe naively, thought I’d left those things behind years ago in the
bad old days. It’s impacting on my life again recently in ways I hate; I’ve
been too exhausted to go into work for a few days during October/November, and
I’m struggling to get myself back on an even keel again. Insomnia is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the most</b> debilitating symptom and just
aggravates everything else and is classic in drug withdrawal.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So having taken guidance from the eminently knowledgeable
and wise Alto Strata, (who I probably should have listened to months ago when
she suggested a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">micro</b> taper to me)
I’m going to go up a tiny bit more to 1.05ml in an extra bid to clear my
current issues, as she explained it .05 is 5% of 1ml and it could well be that
I am sensitive to tiny amounts now, and Prozac is a stimulating drug, if I’m
sensitive I don’t want to aggravate things further but need to find the right
balance and stabilise myself at that point.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I suppose the lesson here is never get blasé and
underestimate the power of these drugs, for good or bad depending on how you
view them.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other lesson is that recovery and progress doesn’t
always happen in a straight line.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">My Prozac Reduction Timeline</a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-87122314169050664572012-11-10T08:37:00.002+00:002013-01-28T19:40:30.417+00:001ml (4mg) - A Small ReinstatementSo on Wednesday I had to updose a tiny bit back to 1ml, the received wisdom from those who have trod this path before me is that if you start unravelling it's best to go back to the dose where you last felt well, so this is what I've done, I will write more fully about it hopefully in the next week, right now I'm just totally drained.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">Prozac Reduction Timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-61996986667844030522012-10-29T19:36:00.001+00:002012-11-11T18:38:46.358+00:00C'mon Inner Peace I Don't Have All Day!!<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The people who mentioned it gets hard near the end, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">they were not wrong!!</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway I realised this blog was turning into
a right misery pity fest so I want to turn it around again into a more positive story
of recovery and celebrate the fact that I have in fact come a long long way
even if there is still a bit or work to do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m getting the adrenaline surges I used to get years ago
when I did cold turkey but not as severe, it becomes a bit of a downward spiral
because adrenaline surges means it’s hard to relax/sleep and in turn the
tiredness/exhaustion makes the surges <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel</i>
worse and more desperate; the one positive thing about adrenaline surges is
that they appear to eat calories and I can now eat cake and lose weight.!!Has to
be some benefit doesn’t there? Yesterday I had a couple of strong coffees in
the morning and couldn’t help but notice how very on edge I felt an hour or so
later, so I guess that’s something I’ll have to cut down or eliminate,
hopefully temporarily. I have taken some advice and this is the positive action
I am taking:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Out with the bungee jumping</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Out with the trips to Alton Towers, no more Oblivion for me, at least for the time being</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cut down on tea and coffee</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuYzonNNu9oy-2RQg0_gIrgeut-4r-9mMe4V7InGqtkGDvCetg3MnQFD2z2Kfmco3fOfjJoGjOb8k9dWL9QgpT-e4yZ2nThDYQE2GEn8zbGAgLrm0R6dwe-g2FtBDfqgNEcQ_Y-O4N4Ww/s1600/bungee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuYzonNNu9oy-2RQg0_gIrgeut-4r-9mMe4V7InGqtkGDvCetg3MnQFD2z2Kfmco3fOfjJoGjOb8k9dWL9QgpT-e4yZ2nThDYQE2GEn8zbGAgLrm0R6dwe-g2FtBDfqgNEcQ_Y-O4N4Ww/s1600/bungee.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Replace tea and coffee with chamomile, green and rosehip tea (boring but soothing)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Eat healthy</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Magnesium citrate (was already taking magnesium but apparently magnesium <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">citrate </i>is much better absorbed and is good for the nervous system and muscles)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Melatonin (good for sleep)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Learn about Mindfulness, “Wherever You Go There You Are” on order.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Keep up with the exercise, sadly weather for cycling is not good but I still have the X trainer.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Continue to appreciate my caring and supportive husband who worries about me, and my funny affectionate sons.</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
</ul>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been trying to unravel whether this is “withdrawal”
or mind and body rebelling against the crutch I’ve had for so
many years now disappearing, and even whether I ought to<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> up</i> dose a bit or tough this out. At the moment I’m going to stay at this dose, take positive action as above and mull over how to proceed in the
future. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdL-Zty0de_7pPoTq1-tBS1UmLDR8laFZxaQJBllEndAncW_rn818w_Ts2g2z_iFpyZ_BzG6lQsnNh5QfQGA7drHvoEkHcXwMlAT3MSU6Yf0MaJHid1OwFAlld_n3EK8-Rh5d-ABFCTNPk/s1600/inner+peace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdL-Zty0de_7pPoTq1-tBS1UmLDR8laFZxaQJBllEndAncW_rn818w_Ts2g2z_iFpyZ_BzG6lQsnNh5QfQGA7drHvoEkHcXwMlAT3MSU6Yf0MaJHid1OwFAlld_n3EK8-Rh5d-ABFCTNPk/s320/inner+peace.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-79830545179654513212012-10-28T18:35:00.000+00:002012-11-11T18:39:40.270+00:00Peter Hitchens writing in the Daily Mail about Felicia BootsPeter Hitchens often writes on this topic in the Daily Mail. I have actually been avoiding this story because it's really so painful, but it is actually really important to share this, as most people will be missing the point entirely and blaming the post natal depression, the real story is that she stopped taking her pills cold turkey. Thank you thank you Peter Hitchens.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-size: 1.8em;">Investigate the evil of these pills</span></h2>
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">I bit my tongue when I first read of the tragedy of Felicia Boots, her life now a desolation of unbearable grief. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">As soon as I learned that she had killed her own children and then tried to do away with herself, I was sure that I would find she had been taking ‘antidepressants’. And so it proves. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">Our courts let many people off because of spurious claims that they could not control themselves. </span><br />
<div class="clear">
</div>
<div class="artSplitter">
<img alt="Probe: Peter Hitchens wants an inquiry into the usage of antidepressants following the tragic story of Felicia Boots, right" class="blkBorder" height="382" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/11/03/article-2227350-13067975000005DC-999_634x606.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<div class="imageCaption">
Probe: Peter Hitchens wants an inquiry into the usage of antidepressants following the tragic story of Felicia Boots, right</div>
</div>
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">But I believe that in her case the judge was right to say that this unhappy woman was in the grip of ‘forces that were beyond her control’. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">It will be pointed out that she had recently ceased taking these pills, because of a perfectly reasonable fear of passing on the drugs to her children through her breast milk.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">To anyone who has studied the matter, the fact that Mrs Boots became unhinged after ceasing to take her ‘antidepressants’ will be no surprise. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">Normal human beings become abnormal, possibly for ever, as soon as they first ingest these powerful, poorly-researched chemicals, often prescribed by doctors shamefully ignorant of the growing body of expert criticism of them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">The effects of coming off them can be even worse than the effects of starting to take them. I have absolutely no personal stake in this argument. I have simply observed what seems to me to be a pattern, both among several people known to me and in a growing number of news reports. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;">I will be told this is ‘anecdotal’. Very well, then. Let us have a proper, fully-funded inquiry that will settle the matter once and for all. It is very urgent. Prescriptions of ‘antidepressants’ grow all the time.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 1.2em;"> If there is the slightest risk that they make good, kind mothers lose their minds and kill their own babies, I can imagine few more pressing matters on the agenda of any government than to establish the truth and act on it. Please, somebody listen.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2227350/Today-children-teaching-underage-sex-debauchery.html">Link to the article (scroll down)</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-20006692925830962242012-10-20T19:27:00.000+01:002012-10-22T18:17:40.020+01:00Cutting Up Rough<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGSRNwUFtd0OqlsyQoSa_glsnSINt7FN4OInalwQbMDGk_yFpMx4IFD4dqY2oYWkyAj2PM5F9OzgFz3xU65yoXF18s0B29cNUc91u13CJ2wsFul_jd53Ia71_oyBdUMSivttdit9NMGPoZ/s1600/insom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGSRNwUFtd0OqlsyQoSa_glsnSINt7FN4OInalwQbMDGk_yFpMx4IFD4dqY2oYWkyAj2PM5F9OzgFz3xU65yoXF18s0B29cNUc91u13CJ2wsFul_jd53Ia71_oyBdUMSivttdit9NMGPoZ/s320/insom.jpg" width="299" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just had one of the worst few days in a long while, since I
embarked on this taper in 2008 my withdrawals have been fairly benign and I’ve
been pretty much able to work through them. This time however I’ve had a few
days that have felt much more crippling in intensity, I’m wondering if it’s
because now I’m below 1ml each cut I make is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i></b> than 10% of previous
dose. At this point I could make micro cuts, which could be endless, or just
leave even longer between cuts and accepting that the withdrawals will be more
debilitating when they do hit. At the moment I am thinking the latter; whatever,
it’s just really frustrating to be so near and yet so far to the end. It’s so
tempting to just think to hell with it and just drop this last bit dead but I
just know Prozac and my brain won’t like it and will cut up very rough. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">These past few days I’ve had the following:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wired/caffeinated feeling</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Insomnia (one night I got so fed up I went
downstairs and made a packed lunch and sorted laundry, went back to bed and
still couldn’t sleep)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Free floating anxiety</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crying</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Despair</span></div>
<div style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At my lowest point I nearly deleted my page off Facebook and
this blog, until P talked me out of it, and now I’m<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> so</b> glad I didn’t, I would have missed the page and all the
wonderful people out there. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time I even had to take a couple of days off my local authority job and I
felt really bad about that, I’m so used to rarely being off sick. The plus side
is that I work with a great team of people, and I felt able to tell the truth
about why I was off sick and even had a lengthy chat about it with a colleague
when I did get back and it was all positive. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I feel like I’m definitely coming out the other side
and I’m just left feeling like I’ve been through the wringer and feeling a bit
spaced out.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do just want to address something that I know people think
but are too polite to say or ask, everyone who goes on these drugs went on them
for a reason, depression, anxiety (and nowadays PMT, ADD, ADHD, physical pain or any number of different
ailments). How do I know I’m not just depressed still? Of course I’m not naive
enough to think depression will leave my life forever, of course I will always
be someone prone to depression/anxiety as part of my makeup and I am ever
mindful of that fact. Having had depression I know that with no drugs involved
it just doesn’t shift that quickly, it’s a longer haul. When doing a slow taper
off a drug the depressions are mercifully time limited and do shift in a way
that depression wouldn’t.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">My youngest son is 14 this coming week, this
means its 14 years since this story started.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I just want to end this post with a picture made by a good friend Paul:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHj6zxQt-Wa0lyPaakJjkm4615i60QS3Mc0xjFVqElLlpIhjg-X_UXKaY-1CFFSMTSjgJGOtRD2EZPR37NTLY60eqzrwmxeg0qxVGb2CD7EwMs1jMNX_DOJEV-in_uX3r829D333lrIItm/s1600/430025_537142279633340_75457757_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHj6zxQt-Wa0lyPaakJjkm4615i60QS3Mc0xjFVqElLlpIhjg-X_UXKaY-1CFFSMTSjgJGOtRD2EZPR37NTLY60eqzrwmxeg0qxVGb2CD7EwMs1jMNX_DOJEV-in_uX3r829D333lrIItm/s320/430025_537142279633340_75457757_n.jpg" width="222" /></a></div>
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">My Prozac Reduction Timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-12379251353925261692012-10-10T09:00:00.000+01:002012-10-10T09:00:03.855+01:00Today is World Mental Health Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2EzbT6Yn2w1G1JeWQCNGFoW3JBOUfR3k0cjWJIJ57gr6DdGZVk1SjHlnCpBbbRC2iKqlB_Elw_4jooCcia4rOhyphenhyphenWWsoTgIwtnVF3CDxJK9daviBn5HStynY2v3wUErogQoDXm4e5XtokZ/s1600/imagesCA9WN13Z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2EzbT6Yn2w1G1JeWQCNGFoW3JBOUfR3k0cjWJIJ57gr6DdGZVk1SjHlnCpBbbRC2iKqlB_Elw_4jooCcia4rOhyphenhyphenWWsoTgIwtnVF3CDxJK9daviBn5HStynY2v3wUErogQoDXm4e5XtokZ/s1600/imagesCA9WN13Z.jpg" /></a></div>
P is in a lot business networking groups on Facebook, and he received an invitation to an "Afternoon tea and talk" event at Arlingtons Brasserie in Ipswich this afternoon, it's a mental health awareness event with interesting things going on, at first I thought I wouldn't be able to go and then I realised I had in fact swapped my work days for a staff meeting so I could in fact go.<br />
<br />
A portion of the proceeds of the event are going to Suffolk Mind and The Mind Sanctuary in Suffolk. This was too good an event for us to miss as it combines business networking for P and mental health awareness which is of interest to us both.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://themindsanctuary.com/">The Mind Sanctuary</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.suffolkmind.org.uk/">Suffolk Mind</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-48254080183406041682012-10-06T12:59:00.000+01:002012-10-06T12:59:23.708+01:00Antidepressant Withdrawal is Hell!<h3>
When I shared this picture on my Facebook page a while back I was shocked by how much response it got, so many related to it or had something to say about it. </h3>
<h3>
I could tick at least half the things on that list and many people I know could tick nearly all.</h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXhPz2iKGRq-oBTVzi5b-pJcaoaZtuCOTU7hKy8r6NDBpFZHybuC6CqRYk53RQrBYI0WquqDRbijfK6130HULTSBNbPLTEaM9lrRZN8yKJUQB7ElAyO7c1QWpXWh0Zs947b2vdkgtXCsos/s1600/withdrawal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXhPz2iKGRq-oBTVzi5b-pJcaoaZtuCOTU7hKy8r6NDBpFZHybuC6CqRYk53RQrBYI0WquqDRbijfK6130HULTSBNbPLTEaM9lrRZN8yKJUQB7ElAyO7c1QWpXWh0Zs947b2vdkgtXCsos/s640/withdrawal.jpg" width="452" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-13426611383084615662012-10-01T19:00:00.000+01:002012-10-01T19:00:06.450+01:00It's.just.a.drag<div align="justify" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So a week into my tiny cut this is how I've been feeling, my sleep pattern has temporarily gone to pot and I've been dragging my weary ass through the days, it's. just. a. drag. On saturday I'd had a good nights sleep but despite that I just felt like someone had pulled my plug out, I felt drained like when you have flu. No emotionals this time, just tiredness, I know it will pass. I really was hoping to speed up the last bit of the taper now, but P, very sensibly said what does it matter? who cares if the last bit takes another load of months? enjoy the stability in between the drops? I know he's right darn it!!<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilygfiCbV0OJkeDKE3qdRSa8eLhNxjznF83CPBRp-P_NxJhfvd2fftIdDuB8IvSIhJ-75SIpLkJ3wS_fcjJlYGGzdebesxcqZRe8SkfCpmFSU4zTDhkbDKVQ3Xd20zCbflAUwtyOfC0MxA/s1600/0511-1005-0201-0031_Cartoon_of_a_Tired_Man_Working_on_His_Computer_clipart_image2-298x300.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilygfiCbV0OJkeDKE3qdRSa8eLhNxjznF83CPBRp-P_NxJhfvd2fftIdDuB8IvSIhJ-75SIpLkJ3wS_fcjJlYGGzdebesxcqZRe8SkfCpmFSU4zTDhkbDKVQ3Xd20zCbflAUwtyOfC0MxA/s1600/0511-1005-0201-0031_Cartoon_of_a_Tired_Man_Working_on_His_Computer_clipart_image2-298x300.png" /></a></div>
I'm married to someone who can sleep on a clothes line at the drop of a hat, I however have to go to bed the same time every night and no matter what time I go to bed, I always wake early, I never sleep the clock round, and I daytime sleep just doesn't come easy, and if it does I get a thumping headache, so routine is important to me, I've found talking to other members of my family that they are much the same, and I think it's to do with being brought up in a farming family.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">Prozac Reduction Timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-37038630052311769822012-09-23T12:00:00.000+01:002012-09-23T12:00:07.533+01:000.85ml and Surviving AntidepressantsIt's been a long time since my last reduction, I decided to hold it steady over the summer as I did feel the last cut for a while, and it took me a bit by surprise. Now I'm on the home stretch I decided to make smaller cuts as the last bit is allegedly the hardest. Partly at the suggestion of Alto Strata on the Surviving Antidepressants web site and partly because my husband worries :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3UCxPYqib5CmJITPBIe14Bu4nganGQLdwnfrkX2Hh-eZRfYkmZWp3L2AGpO__6WHBmbYLKGnMSb2L7cOqTMKxRA5TKzNVUc8cV9Wa8JIIgjeRejrjWr5DLtSPi1SBS-fx-qMTpXwr4BqG/s1600/clouds.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3UCxPYqib5CmJITPBIe14Bu4nganGQLdwnfrkX2Hh-eZRfYkmZWp3L2AGpO__6WHBmbYLKGnMSb2L7cOqTMKxRA5TKzNVUc8cV9Wa8JIIgjeRejrjWr5DLtSPi1SBS-fx-qMTpXwr4BqG/s1600/clouds.png" /></a></div>
Speaking of Surviving Antidepressants I was hugely flattered a few weeks ago when I got a message from Alto Strata at Surviving Antidepressants asking me if I would like to help admin/moderate the forums and in particular the "Tapering" forum. I was impressed with my "staff" badge on the site, but at first I wondered what I let myself in for, not because I was worried about talking/helping people on the forums, I do that a lot anyway, it was more all the techy bits I now have access to behind the web site. I also wondered if I would be able to do it justice and visit the site enough to keep up with people, but it's been absolutely fine and the tapering forum doesn't move as fast as some of the others forums on the site.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?app=portal">Link to Surviving Antidepressants for Anyone Seeking Support</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-30955070015318644012012-08-10T10:40:00.001+01:002012-08-10T10:40:40.807+01:00Prozac Taper Progress Report<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here I am still at 0.90ml since mid June. It’s not been
an easy ride this time; I had a feeling from things I’ve heard from other
people that it can get tricky when you get near the end. I’ve been waking up
with low level depression, waves of sadness most mornings, sometimes it hangs
around like a bad smell for best part of the day, but mostly it does dissipate
mid morning. That’s it, it’s just low level and niggling, not crippling. It has
crossed my mind that either I could get stuck at this low dose, permanently, or
the last 1ml of the taper could just take an awful long time. It’s the sheer
subtlety of it now, the not knowing what it is that’s really annoying, is it
withdrawal or “me”? I do know that I am always going to be one of those people
who will be “prone” to depression and anxiety and therefore I need to be mindful.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This happened to a fellow taperer/friend (I hope she doesn’t
mind me mentioning) and she reluctantly chose to stay at the very low dose
permanently because every time she dipped below that level depression kicked
in. As she said “it is what it is”. It’s great to compare notes with someone
else from a completely different country and different walk of life but going
through the exact same thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the meantime, I am helping a lady in New Zealand to admin her support group on Facebook, there are about 90 people in the group, not all active, I think some just like to sit quietly and read things. It's a brilliant supportive and friendly group so if anyone reading this and needs help/advice and would like to join please contact me and I'll add you, it is a closed group, not visible unless you search for it, and therefore no one outside the group can read anything in it.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK8omcQVyq2jDm1gHk0dhSwgKDvIo7d5682lbvSuXN8aM6KjruxJmBe6JC6FNt-AmF1FtJ7ME5Ut-ciSDKQtp01e78mrizJscDzXndg6x7lMNoG_-xOzf-a3p-ra4TciQpMqnfodW-jdse/s1600/med_gallery_169_69_17702.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK8omcQVyq2jDm1gHk0dhSwgKDvIo7d5682lbvSuXN8aM6KjruxJmBe6JC6FNt-AmF1FtJ7ME5Ut-ciSDKQtp01e78mrizJscDzXndg6x7lMNoG_-xOzf-a3p-ra4TciQpMqnfodW-jdse/s400/med_gallery_169_69_17702.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today is a good day though, the sun is shining, I now have 2
weeks off from my part time job (not from helping Peter with the business
though sadly), we are going to a Newmarket Race Night this evening with some very good friends, Tom Jones will be performing at the end of the races, and over the next two weeks I’ll get to
spend more time with my youngest and catching up with friends before the new
school term starts.</span></div>
<br />
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">Prozac reduction timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-36492353224481258202012-07-21T10:03:00.000+01:002012-07-21T10:03:14.440+01:00School Shootings, SSRI Nightmares, Suicide and Violence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYZmzMn6i8h5azPaRoqNgRC5cvIN2-zRizXp9gLwlwalgtiqr3tzFAWqcf_dTCl4699hPRxn06lp4fq04PKCm8KEeER-MRYb8I4z01xQNUv9ktNQQ3wEDB0Y9LCkT-4ne-QZ004JJXoDf7/s1600/connect+the+blots.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYZmzMn6i8h5azPaRoqNgRC5cvIN2-zRizXp9gLwlwalgtiqr3tzFAWqcf_dTCl4699hPRxn06lp4fq04PKCm8KEeER-MRYb8I4z01xQNUv9ktNQQ3wEDB0Y9LCkT-4ne-QZ004JJXoDf7/s400/connect+the+blots.jpg" width="335" /></a>I don't normally dwell TOO much on the dark side on my blog, partly because I want it to be a story of recovery, but there is a massive dark side which can't be ignored. Back in 1999, 2000, 2001 I would have dismissed it as scaremongering bollox as well. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Until I experienced it myself I never would have believed it. Cold turkey sent me to a very very dark place, by end of 2003, I knew I couldn't go on much longer, it was harder and harder to keep a front up, at work and at home, the only person who really knew what was going on was my husband, I couldn't eat properly, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop the adrenaline surges day and night, I couldn't stop the dark dark thoughts and feelings. The adrenaline surges were the hardest thing to deal with. If you can imagine the gut churning fight or flight response never switching itself off. I couldn't tell anyone, people talk about "losing the plot" but I really <strong>had</strong> lost the plot and was lost in my own inner torment that no one could see, let alone understand. Hell I didn't understand it myself so how would anyone else? I did get to a point where images of the Orwell Bridge entered my head, it was just a thought but it was there. I've since met people who've had similar experiences with coming off too fast, severe agitation, distressing thoughts of violence towards other people and themselves, which cleared with reinstatement of the drug. This happened again to me in 2005, 2006 and 2007 but to a much lesser degree as I reinstated the drug more rapidly when I realised what was happening.</div>
<br />
If I had perservered <strong>without</strong> reinstating Lustral for another month or so into 2004, I think the internal agitation, desperation and despair would have driven me to something dreadful to end the misery. Fortunately with my husbands encouragment I reinstated Lustral and fairly swiftly my symptoms subsided. This was my insight into the dark side of SSRI's.<br />
<br />
No one told me this could happen. <br />
<br />
Since writing this blog I've met many others with similar experiences and I've read a lot. Really I do need to get a life, but knowing the medical establishment are either genuinely ignorant or totally in denial and there is so little help out there, I am prepared to talk about it here knowing that others stumble on it and find they are not alone.<br />
<br />
Sometimes even now when I drop my dose I get a flavour of that "dark side" again for a few days, and then it just suddenly disappears as my brain/body gets used to the new slightly lower level of Prozac. My husband is so finely tuned into me, he knows, he said to me the other week I looked like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, and then almost overnight it just went as my metabolism adjusted to the new lower dose.<br />
<br />
In recent years as I've done a lot more research into SSRI's I've discovered my experience wasn't unique, but many many people when it happens don't know the inner agitation/adrenaline surges is a side effect of dropping a drug too fast. Suicide and violence are now recognised in many circles as side effects of dropping Prozac/Lustral/Seroxat etc too fast, or starting it too fast. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLrJhP88uLApYRq9h2ZHvt9qh0bV93PScbQIifL_FV0HG5pT2aSyN_T9GlGJWXj9uHWGH3okqBKobvWptKnw5l8GBbemT6pYDWiLP5Bxn-lO0mAa1-tY75vIenqHCgIv8Az52UOYtPgGqu/s1600/agitation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLrJhP88uLApYRq9h2ZHvt9qh0bV93PScbQIifL_FV0HG5pT2aSyN_T9GlGJWXj9uHWGH3okqBKobvWptKnw5l8GBbemT6pYDWiLP5Bxn-lO0mAa1-tY75vIenqHCgIv8Az52UOYtPgGqu/s1600/agitation.jpg" /></a></div>
Like I said, I would <strong>never</strong> have believed it years ago, and most people who are settled and comfortable on SSRI's don't believe it either. If you're one of those people reading this, I can hopefully save you ever having to find out by telling you that when you do decide to come off your drug, don't do it cold turkey, don't do the alternate day thing and do it extremely slowly, there is no such thing as too slow for some of us. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://ssristories.com/">SSRI stories</a> This is a really interesting data base of reported SSRI related violence/suicide, there is even a celebrity section.<br />
<br />
Many many stories of random violence or suicide that you read in the media have an underlying hidden story of prescription medication behind them that the media generally don't pick up on, unless it's a celebrity, maybe. Unless you've experienced it yourself it just doesn't cross your mind.<br />
<br />
Hmm I can hear some people I know reading this and thinking, yes, but how do you know it's the drug? you might be a sandwich short of a picnic and the drug might be nothing to do with it, how do you know it's not the mental illness? well that's the head f*** because it can <strong>always</strong> be blamed on the original illness and big pharmaceutical companies hide behind this.<br />
But don't just take my word for it, look at SSRI stories and <a href="http://davidhealy.org/">Dr David Healy</a>, professor of psychiatry in Wales.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-44212074179584186372012-07-08T10:15:00.000+01:002012-07-08T10:15:17.081+01:00The best way out is always throughFollowing on from last weeks post, I am now coming out the other side, I've had about 10 days to 2 weeks of:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Low level depression/anxiety, worse first thing, better as day goes on</li>
<li>Poor sleep</li>
<li>Fuzzy head, worse when tired, which has been a lot</li>
</ul>
Normally I just get the poor sleep and fuzzy head but I've had a triple whammy this time. I can feel it's distinctly lifted this week end and I am mightily relieved, it's always hard to keep the faith that it's a withdrawal, and shake the fear that it has in fact set in permanently.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/p/prozac-reduction-timeline.html">My Prozac reduction timeline</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2522847456263533872.post-36676276602456584282012-07-01T13:00:00.000+01:002012-07-01T13:00:02.003+01:00Going through a withdrawalThat's it, I know I'm going through a withdrawal, my head has been a bit spaced out all week, I've been up and down and just "not quite right", anxiety has kicked in, I've had those feelings of fear that it won't go away, but I've done this so many times before now, I know it will go away again. This too will pass.<br />
<br />
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