If you'd asked me, this time last year, I would've said I was doing really well, and well on course to be off Prozac completely in the near future. I was even thinking this blog would be all tied up and finished and left just floating around in cyber space.
At one point though, I was feeling so bad I was considering going back to the full dose and being done with it, the thing that stopped me was the thought of the horrible side effects, the numbing of libido and emotions, and there is a tendency to essential tremor in my family and I notice on the drug, full dose, my hands have a horrible tremor, and my handwriting gets really scruffy, and I'm enjoying my piano, so no I don't want to aggravate a tendency to a tremor which the full dose gives me.
P and I have talked over this so much, we've come to the following conclusions:
- I have an underlying condition/predisposition to depression/anxiety.
- The drug is too enmeshed in my brain/body after so many years which have included various attempts at cold turkey and alternate day withdrawals messing up my nervous system.
I genuinely feel that it's been too many years now, and I can't put myself through the misery of withdrawal any more, I'm sooo tired of it, it's not what I thought would happen but I'm going to stay at 8mg, possibly forever, I'm at a point where I want to keep quality of life, and after you've been through a period of depression and come out the other side, boy does life feel good, I think you never take "happiness" for granted if you've experienced depression.
I'd like to have got off Prozac fully, but it's not fair on me or my family to keep putting myself through the misery, and since I would probably have to go into "rehab" for a couple of years to do it which isn't an option on the NHS or living in the real world, I can't see it happening. As long as my surgery doesn't have an issue with prescribing the liquid so I can continue with 8mg.